My Angel

Last Saturday, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed....at 5:20am on a Saturday morning because that is the way my 3 yr. old rolls!  The Mr. and I take turns getting up with him each and every day!  He's just an early riser.
Anyhow, I had a horrible night of sleep as well because of baby Jax and then not being able to fall back asleep.  I am so CRANKY when I don't get enough sleep.  As I tried to put on a happy face for my children, I could feel myself failing miserably with my short temper and lack of patience.  I did try to be happy.  I played with my children and made them laugh...but in my head I was struggling.
A few hours later, we decided to take a trip to the zoo and have a picnic together as a family.  On the drive there a few tears trickled down my face as I told my husband what a hard day I was having.  He asked what was the matter.  I didn't really have an answer.  I told him that it was probably my hormones, but it seems I am just mad at my situation in where I live and what I have to do all by myself because he is gone an awful lot.  I have been resenting his job and the fact I have to live where I do.  Basically, feeling sorry for myself.  I've noticed that I have been spending a lot more time feeling sorry for myself lately.  I feel like I am constantly trying to fight to stay positive, and that after a good fight, I give in and start feeling sorry, and then the whole thing repeats itself. 
I have learned a few things in my life.  I really do KNOW that happiness does not come from external or material things.  It does not come because of the experiences you've had in your life whether good or bad.  None of that has to control your happiness.  I KNOW my happiness has everything to do with PERSPECTIVE, and how I choose to view my circumstances.  And of course having your hormones in check also helps (every few months I struggle with PMS...so some of those days it is impossible).
Knowing that perspective is everything, I still struggle with it.  I find myself thinking negatively, and then it ruins my whole day.  Today was one of those days....until......a special man came along.  He was a gift from God.  I know God was trying to speak to me.  I know God was telling me answers to some hard questions I've had in my mind now for a while.  I've become jaded living in this town.  There are a number of reasons for this and I don't want to go into details.  Just know that sometimes I find myself losing hope in the fact that people in general are GOOD.  I see and hear horrible things day after day and it has definitely affected me for the worse. 
So back to my story.  A man, at a little stand selling hand made jewelry, brought tears to my eyes.  I selected a simple $5 butterfly necklace and went to purchase it.  The man stood up and walked around his table to place the necklace in my hand.  "Just keep it", the man said.
"What?", I exclaimed...."oh no, I couldn't, please take my money".
"No, I will not.  I have been blessed", the man replied, "please take it".
Tears welled up in my eyes and gently trickled down my cheeks.  My hubby purchased another necklace for Taylor....because he felt bad that the man was just giving us the first one.
As I walked away, the tears began to pour.  I knew instantly why I was crying.  I knew God was speaking to me.  I knew he was answering a prayer that I have prayed about, for quite some time.  It's very personal, so I won't go into detail.  But I know this man was one of God's angels.  And I know that people are GOOD, I had just forgotten.  But God reminded me. 
I'm so thankful for prayer and the answers we can find through it.  I'm grateful to this man who I will probably never see again.  And he probably has no idea what his kindness meant to me.
My hubby also was very touched by this simple act.  He even mentioned, out loud, mind you, that it was something he needed in his life as well.  This is a BIG deal people!  My man is not a "feelings" kind of guy.  He's not one to sit and talk about any of his feelings.  So that was also another small miracle in my life.
I will not pretend to like it here in this town.  I will not pretend that the schools are good, or that medical care is good!  Because it's not.  I will not pretend that I feel safe when my hubby isn't with me.  Because I don't. 
What I will do, is try to focus on the good.  More than the bad.
 I'm going to keep my butterfly necklace forever. I told my daughter that our necklaces were special, and that when she was older I would tell her about the butterfly.  Right now all she understands is that a nice man gave us a necklace.  But it was so much more than a $5 necklace for me.  I'm NOT a sentimental person....I don't keep much.  But I will keep this forever.  And I will never forget about my little angel.

XO,
Amber

The Weekend

Last weekend was perfect.  Woke up on a lazy Saturday morning, wrestled with my boy....

 

 Taylor tried to be grumpy, but I wouldn't allow it.....

 

Said good morning to cute little Jax!

 

Made French toast

 

 

And then, spur of the moment decided to take the kids to a FREE zoo....which ended up being pretty decent.  It was the old school kind of zoo (like from when I was a kid), where you could get up close and personal with the animals....

 

 

This squirrel tried to pee on me....somehow I was able to dart out of the way just in time....

See what I mean...in what world would this ever be allowed...Taylor could have gone up and pet the bear through the fence if she wanted to....craziness I tell you...but we loved it!

 

Also, after the zoo, I met an angel.  Come back tomorrow and I will write all about it.

 

XO,

Amber

Fat Loss Week 6?

I can't even remember what week I am on.  Mostly because I have done horrible at this, so I stopped paying attention.  But, I think my motivation has come back.  I've been going strong this week with counting calories and watching what I eat.  I'm not perfect...but I'm pretty darn good.
I finally remember to take my measurements this morning:

Waist: 27 1/2"
High Hip (muffin top): 33 1/2"
Hips: 36 1/2"
Weight: 127.6 lbs.

So, I know my measurements have not really improved, but I have a feeling that is about to change.  My goal is to get my waist down to 25".  Not sure if that is possible...but I'm going to try.  I'm not sure what I want my muffin top to be, or what is even realistic.  But definitely want that down a couple of inches as well.  Like maybe down to 28" or 29"?  We'll see.  I'm fine with my hips...but wouldn't mind one bit if they dropped down to 35".

As far as diet...yesterday I turned over a new leaf.  I denied myself of all sugary sweets.  Not even a bite.  I wanted a cupcake sooooo badly (leftover from Jax's birthday).  After asking my husband every 10 mins. for oh...about 2 hours...if I should eat one....he got up and took it out of the package and threw it in the garbage.  He then made the comment that he purposely took it out of the container because he knew that as soon as he left, I would go digging through the garbage for it.  And he's right.  So he took my temptation away and then it was easy!   Now I just need to work up the courage to throw out my 2 cans of frosting in the fridge.  Every time I open the fridge I see the frosting and just want to eat it by the spoonfuls.  It's too much of a temptation.  In fact, I'm going to throw it out tonight and report back tomorrow.

Today, this is what I will be eating:

1/2 cup oats with 1/4 c raisins, and 2 Tbsp of whole milk (still haven't been to the store for the 1%)

Chicken soft taco: 1 whole wheat tortilla, grilled chicken, 1/3 c mozzarella cheese, 2 Tbsp of salsa, and fresh cilantro from my garden)
I also ate 7 Ritz crackers with 2 little squares of cheddar cheese- this was a no-no, but I cheated.  Not only is sugary treats a temptation, but I LOVE salty crackers...so I try to limit this as much as possible because I always eat too many and then they become a problem.

Next I will eat 1 c of plain non-fat Greek yogurt with 1/2 cup of homemade trailmix, and 1 1/2 Tbsp. of jam.  I know that sounds weird...but it is soooo good.  I am allowing some sugar...like jam, or sometimes syrup, or honey.

Dinner...I don't really know yet...but I think I'll grill up some burgers.  So I will eat 1 or 2 (depending on size) 90% lean ground burger patties with no bread, watermelon (as much as I want), and some kind of vegetable...maybe asparagus.

I may have a chocolate protein shake with water later on depending on if I am hungry or not.  I probably will be.  I've been doing some pretty intense workouts lately.

I know I need to step up my game when it comes to fruits and vegetables...and water.  Tomorrow I will try harder to eat more of that.

As far as workouts, as I mentioned...I'm doing pretty good.  I've been meeting with a few girls twice a week to workout.  Plus, I've been doing my at home workouts too.

Monday, we did a lower body CRAZY workout.  My legs are still sore today.  I'll try to remember everything:
5 rounds of these exercises
Squats with 10lb weight (10)
Squat jump 20 reps?
Walking lunge 20 (10 on each leg)
We did 2 more exercises...but I can't remember them...sorry.  I'll try to be better at remembering.  It sounds easy, but it was killer.

Then we did 3 rounds of a series of running exercises for cardio....like running sideways in grapevine style, skipping forward, running with high knees, and running with heels to butt, kind of stuff.  That probably took about 15 mins.

Then we did 2 rounds of abs
I think we did regular crunches, side planks (not stationary...the ones where you dip down on your hip and then raise back up), and the bicyle (20 reps).

Tuesday, all I did was run for 38 mins.

Wednesday, I didn't do cardio, but I did lift weights with a friend, just upper body.
We did 12 reps of each exercise
Bicep curls, Dips (for triceps), chest press on exercise ball, pushups, lateral and front raise, One arm bent over row.
We repeated this 3 times. 

Thursday (today), we did an upper body workout again.  You shouldn't ever lift weights 2 days in a row for the same body part....but I didn't really get a great workout the day before, and I was working out with friends today and couldn't control what we were doing.....so I just did it again.  Here is what we did:
Pushup rows with weights 10 reps each arm, Temple twists (for core), walk the plank (in pushup position, lower yourself down onto elbows and then back up onto hands) which works the core, side step ups 20 reps each leg with weight (the only lower body, but also was GREAT cardio), Hip raises (start in plank position, then bend into a downward dog position) 20 reps, Chest press and hip thrust combo (lay on back, do a chest press with weight, then lower weights and thrust your hips up off the ground), 20 reps, Mountain climbers....but slow, 40 reps (20 each leg).

Then repeat 2 more times.  It took us approx. 40 mins.  I won't do cardio today, because I was sweating bullets with the above workout.  We did it fast with no breaks.

On another note, yesterday I saw my daughter trying to comfort her little brother Lincoln.  I had yelled at Lincoln (not a proud mama moment) to get out of the room for some reason or another, and he left crying.  As I was coming out of the room, I spied Taylor walking down the hall with Lincoln holding his hand and telling him it was going to be okay.  My heart melted.  As much as Taylor and Lincoln fight, she really does love him.  I hope they will be best friends forever.

Taylor and Lincoln almost 2 years ago!

 Now, if only I can be learn to be patient all of the time.  Yesterday was NOT one of those days.  In fact, the last 2 days have been a little hard for me.  I'm sure it all boils down to lack of sleep, for not only me, but my children as well.  I haven't been putting Lincoln down for a nap during the day, and he still really needs one, so he gets pretty cranky.  Also, I've been up in the night lately with my daughter and my baby, so I am cranky too.

Question:  Do you get cranky with lack of sleep?  I am short tempered and ornery!  I need to find a way to be patient even when tired.  Got any suggestions?

XO,
Amber 
 

Diet, OOTD and Jax is 1!

Okay, so I know I'm supposed to be posting about my fat loss journey....and I will tomorrow.  I keep forgetting to take my measurements...but I will tomorrow!  Today was the first day in a while where I started counting calories again.  I ate 4 meals at 400 calories each.  Here is what I ate:

3/4 cup of honey nut cheerios (I know this was not so good)
1/2 cup whole milk (our 1% went sour, and is what I normally drink)
A few grapes (like 6 or 7)

1 cup of chili (homemade)
Half of white tortilla.

Chocolate protein shake, made with 1 cup of whole milk, 1 Tbsp of peanut butter and 6 ice cubes.  Delicious!

Chicken quesadilla (1 whole wheat tortilla, 1/4 cup part-skim mozzarella cheese, 1/4 shredded chicken, 3 cherry tomatoes, taco seasoning)
1 1/2 cup salad (Lettuce, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, fat free Italian dressing)

I also snuck in a couple of bites of orange sorbet, and 1 bite of a vanilla cupcake (I couldn't resist....it was my son's birthday!)

Feeling pretty good about what I ate.  I kept my calories in a good range...I did not feel hungry, and mostly felt full all day long.  I feel like I am FINALLY getting my motivation back to eat healthy.  For me, motivation comes from planning it around a trip or an event.  So I'm pulling my current motivation from the trip we will have at Christmas.  Every other year my hubby's parents rent "The Christmas House".  It's big enough that the whole family can stay there, and it is soooo much fun being with everyone.  I can't even wait.  So that is my trip that will motivate me...fingers crossed! 
Oh, and last time I was at The Christmas House, my sister-in-law made the BEST cake pops known to man!  I just got the recipe and made some the other day:


It's super easy.  Bake a cake, let it cool, smash it up with frosting (I used store bought cream cheese and chocolate...liked the chocolate better), roll into balls, put a stick in each and freeze for 4 hours.  Remove.  Melt almond bark in the microwave and dip cake balls in the chocolate.  Done.  Delicious.  So evil.   The first night I made them....I made myself SICK...literally.  I ate so many.  They are really rich...you should only have one.  I know this is NOT good for my eating healthy plan....but sometimes you just have to enjoy life...and for me that means eating sugar...by the truck loads!

On to my outfit....I just bought the shirt, jeans, and purse during my shopping spree.  Side note: sorry my mirrors are streaked with water!  My kids love to splash in that big bathtub and I don't do a good job at keeping them streak free!

 

 

 

New purse that I LOVE.  All for $17 at Kohl's!  Woot woot!

 

Also, Jax turned 1 today!  It was a very busy day, and I feel kind of guilty because I didn't give him the attention that I gave my other children when they turned 1.  I didn't even have a present for him.  I figure he won't remember...but still.  Feeling kind of guilty.  I think we will celebrate his birthday again this weekend, so that daddy can be home for it.  But I did manage to snap a few pics of Jax with his cupcake.  Jax is my pickiest eater to date.  He hates most texture.  So at first he didn't want to eat it.  He just threw it all over the place.  Near the end, I shoved some in his mouth, and when he realized that it was good...he ate the last couple of bites.

Xo,

Amber

Forgiveness

I just watched an AMAZING movie.  I have to talk about it.  It was called The Impossible, and is about a family of 5 who were vacationing in Thailand when the 2004 tsunami hit.  The cinematography was incredible.  But more than that, it was amazing to see the generosity of people that were in the depths of despair.  Of course there were selfish people too, but the amount of kindness touched my very soul. 
I needed it so badly today.  I had one of those "HARD" days today.  I will spare you all the gory details, but it all came to a head this evening when I was in a crowded parking lot in my van with my 3 kids, and a woman hit me with her vehicle.  This was not an accident.  We were all bumper to bumper, and the woman did not want to let me in.  I was at a complete stop, and I told her to stop through my window.  She said, "no, I'm going".  I said, "please don't, you are going to hit my car!" at least 3 times.  She rolled up her window, and moved forward, and hit my car.  No joke.  It's absurd.  I am still in shock.   And then she fled the scene of the accident.  As I let the events of the day that led me up to that moment, unravel in my mind....I couldn't help but to feel overwhelmed with ANGER and BITTERNESS.  And all of that emotion focused into one thought.  How MUCH I hated this town that I lived in.  It was awful, to feel encompassed with ANGER.  When things get hard for me, I often come back to the thought of how much I hate living here, and what a trial it is for me.
Once I got home, tears streamed down my face, as I told my husband how angry and bitter I was.  I told him I needed to change my attitude, but that I didn't know how. I knew that I needed to forgive this woman in my heart.  But I didn't know how.  I was too wrapped up in my anger and pity, to see anything else.  Until I watched "The Impossible".  Watching the true generosity and love that a human soul can give in times of despair, rang through to my very core.  And simultaneously, Matthew 5:44 ran through my mind.  " But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;".
As I thought of this verse, and after watching the movie, I felt calm.  I felt peace.  I also knew in my heart, that I could forgive this woman.  When I saw the destruction and death that came to so many people in the tsunami, and all the challenges that people were going through, yet some people were still able to show kindness, I knew that the least I could do was forgive the woman for hitting my car.  At that moment I became aware at how ridiculously weak I am for letting those feelings of hate and anger creep into my soul, over a dented car.  Through God's love and the atonement of Jesus Christ, I know I can be made stronger and better. 
Tonight,  I will forgive this woman, and I will pray for her.  But more importantly, I will ask for forgiveness for harboring such intense feelings of bitterness and anger in my heart.  Shame on me.
Tonight, I choose to focus on the good in my life, and to relish the joy that my family brings to me.  I feel so lucky and blessed to have them in my life.  I'm telling you, if you are feeling sorry for yourself...go watch this movie!  It's kind of a life changer! :)

P.S.  Even though the movie is PG-13, it shows a little nudity (which I don't like at all, there was no point to it), also the movie is pretty slow...don't expect an action packed film or anything.  It's just the message that it sends.  Simply beautiful and heart warming.

XO,
Amber

Picture Overload!

Yesterday was a good day.  I've been in one of my cleaning frenzy moods, and I've gotten a lot done.  One of the things that I've been itching to do, is clean my patio furniture.  It gets very windy where I live and there is a LOT of dirt flying around.  It's impossible to keep things clean outside.  There is always a fine layer of dust over everything.  So yesterday when I went outside to clean, of course the boys were right under foot.  Lincoln asked if he could get wet and play with the hose...in his clothes.  I said, yes.  Look at how much fun they had....

Jax LOVES to eat rocks and dirt!  He's starting to slow down though because I think he realized how gross it is!



Trying to eat that weed!

Decided against it....yucky!

Having too much fun!

And....my backyard got SWAMPED!

 

 

 Cute little girl loves getting her picture taken!

Oh, and did you see the mess above in the background....ya....that is the product of a HUGE shopping spree that I just had!  Check it out! 

 

I feel so lucky!  My sweet hubby watched all 3 kids, while I left for 3 WHOLE days, stayed at a nice hotel in Phoenix and shopped my BRAINS out!  No joke.  I calculated that I did 33 hours of walking in 3 days!  I've been planning this trip for over a year now.  I saved money for a whole year to do this.  That in itself is a miracle...you know...saving money.  I've decided that I need to make this a semi-annual event! hahaha.  I got home late Sunday evening....to a CLEAN house.  What?!  I was ecstatic!  Carpets vacuumed, dishes done, and all the laundry too!  Of course, my house was a mess the very next day....what can you do!  It's impossible to keep it clean with 3 littles.  Speaking of messes...this is why my master bathroom is always a mess....always.

Who, me?!  I'm innocent mommy!  Look how cute I am! 

XO,
Amber