Today, as I went out onto my driveway to watch my little ones play, I was reminded of my childhood. Time stood still, for a moment. My mind went quiet. I felt the delicious wind rush through my long hair, and felt alive. And really aware of the beauty of this world.
I remember when I was a little girl. I was a tom boy at heart and played outside for endless hours. I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't care about looking presentable, or if my make up was on, or even if I took a shower. I didn't worry about getting dirty. I just played. And I loved being outside.
In my adult life....my mind is always whirling over my endless to do lists. Worrying about not being a good enough mom, or if other people will see me without make up and judge me that I have given up on myself, or if my house is clean enough, and the list goes on, and on, and on.
As I stood outside today, I remembered how exquisite it felt to let all my worries go. I hadn't taken a shower or put on make up. I was out in my scrubby clothes because I had been cleaning. And for a moment, I forgot all about my to do list. I was acutely aware of what I looked like with my scrubs and no makeup, laying out on the sidewalk. Yeah. I laid down on the pavement, like I used to when I was a little kid. I let my anxieties go. Normally, I'm too uptight to do something like that, because I don't want to get my clothes or hair dirty, because that means more work for me that I don't have time for. I then wondered how I became the way I am. Caring about what others think, or letting pure and simple pleasures pass me by because I was in too much of a hurry.
I was able to look up in the bright blue sky, with the sunshine warm on my skin, and the wind rustling by, and I felt happy. I mean really happy. Tears welled in my eyes as I realized the beauty of this place that I am in. I've mentioned before that I have struggled living here in this small town in New Mexico. At times I have felt that there is no beauty and that it is miserable here. But as of recently, I've been noticing rare and beautiful treasures. Which brings me to my next point. I found a new blog. It might be my favorite blog of all time. It's called http://www.rareandbeautifultreasures.com/ . The woman who writes this blog is an inspiration. Her writing and photography skills are FANTASTIC. I'm almost finished reading her entire blog. She reminds us so beautifully of the simple things that bring true joy in life. She is Christian and writes about God in a most beautiful way. It will touch you deep down to your soul. Beware if you read it. I'm sure you'll find yourself in tears at some points along the way.
Next I wanted to talk about Josie. I met this single, 24 year old young woman last night at a birthday party for a friend. She woke something up in me that has been asleep for a long time. I can't stop thinking about her. When she walked into the room to greet everyone, it was like a ray of sunshine, filling the room. She then proceeded to captivate every single woman in that room, with her "crazy" stories. Her stories were about a project that she decided to do on her own. She decided to travel all over the United States in her car, by herself, for 100 days. During those 100 days, she interviewed 444 random people that she met along the way. She slept in her car and showered at community swimming pools. She asked questions like, "what is your biggest regret in life?", "what makes you the most happy?", etc.
I think she is a free spirit. Driven to find answers to some of life's most meaningful questions. I used to be like her many years ago. Free. On top of the world, and thought I could do anything....and did.
I am now a wife and mother. I couldn't, or wouldn't give that up for ANYTHING. It brings me more happiness than anything else in this earthly life. But with this responsibility of caring for others, comes stress, that I inflict upon myself. Like I said before, I wondered how I came to this point in my life, worrying about silly things that don't really matter.
After reading the above blog, and meeting Josie, I feel renewed and alive. Like my old, carefree self. It feels so wonderful. I feel so blessed to have experienced these two things. I know God puts these things in my life to lead and guide me, so I can experience a happiness and peace that is endless...even in this life.
Lastly, I wanted to mention a quote from a book that I am reading. A woman asked a man who had previously lived in California, near the ocean, who currently was living in a dry,dry, desert in New Mexico, "Don't you miss the ocean?", to which the man replied, "The sky is my ocean!".
If anyone knows me, they know I LOVE the water. It can be a lake, or swimming pool, or ocean. I love it all. But here in New Mexico, the sky is truly gorgeous. I have never seen anything quite like it. The sunsets are spectacular. Breathtaking.
It really is about perspective, as I am reminded over and over again. The sky here in beautiful, raw, New Mexico, truly is my ocean. I thank God for letting me see clearly again and for putting beautiful people in my life to help me see and enjoy the rare and beautiful treasures that He has in store for us.